This Naked Life

...thoughts, prose, music, photos, and other amusements as I wander around in this naked life of mine, laughing...

Whisper In My Ear
1:00 AM
June 17th, 2012

The ground-breaking metamorphosis scene in the Michael Jackson short film ‘Black or White’ released in 1991

(Source: -intheround)

12:59 AM
June 17th, 2012

12:57 AM
June 17th, 2012

XX Stupidity

To set the scene: 5 or 6 years ago, when I still had a myspace account, I met a guy I’ll call R. He and I dated for a few weeks, until he yelled at me for some mistake he had made and stormed out of my house. I wrote it off, but a few months later he sent a text saying happy thanksgiving and asking for a chance to explain. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and met him for coffee; he apologized and told me what I thought was the real reason for his acting like a damn fool. It wasn’t a big deal, so I was willing to go to a movie with him…it went well, and we began dating exclusively again. About a month after, right before christmas, I discovered a lot of money missing from my purse and then couldn’t get ahold of him for a solid week. Knowing where he worked, I staked out a spot and waited to corner him in a confrontation over it when he walked out sucking some girl’s neck and groping her.  I said fuck it and left, deleted his number, and let it go at that. He waited until after christmas day to text me with some story about having left his phone at work for several days and not being able to go get it even though it was on the one time I called to tell him it was done.  We argued, I told him leave me alone, forget you know me, you’re a liar, thief, and cheater and I don’t give out three chances to anyone.  Didn’t respond to or talk to him after that. Cut to last week, I open my email to find an email from him acting very casual like we were still friends, “we haven’t talked in a year, what did I do to treat you so badly? I can’t remember.” I deleted it.

Today, I log into my twitter account, give a two tweet account of what happened (280 characters!) and then state “man, i have dated some fucking losers! lmao!” as a toss off comment to lighten the mood.

I was hit with responses like “whose fault is that?” and “i carefully screen the people i want to sleep with” and, my favorite, “we were friends first so i knew better than to get with crazy chicks…”

PLEASE. These were all responses from males, who from what I gather, don’t understand what blaming the victim is. It’s NOT my fault that I was deceived by someone who wanted something from me and chose to present themselves in a false light to get it.  

When I stated that everyone dates a few losers in their time and you learn from it and try not to repeat the past I was told I was exaggerating and they themselves had not dated any losers in the past. 

I call fucking bullllllllllll shiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Although if you’re still a virgin, or live in the mythical land of Eden, maybe you haven’t dated a fucking idiot or two in your time….but I digress as this doesn’t apply to this post.

What it was, was males trying to do the “but i’m a good guy though so you must be the problem if you can’t find me” mind trick.  It’s a total fallacy of logic. Especially since “good” is a really, really relative term, and people with an agenda tend to be really biased. That thirst will get you every time.

As a female, it’s disgusting to me that any male would sit there and list what a quality human being they are while simultaneously making the woman the one to blame for the actions of another male.  The conversation continued until I told one to prove I was exaggerating and he couldn’t so he muted me, while the other just switched topics and moved on.

Blaming a victim, in any circumstance, is simply the equivalent of telling them “niener niener, I’m better than you!” and looking down your nose on a set of facts you probably don’t know or even care about. Blaming someone who’s been used, lied to, stolen from, cheated on, beaten, etc is the ego saying they are weak and thus deserved it. 

No one deserves that treatment, male or female. We all have weak moments, broken hearts, and endless pondering over how and why things happen/ed.  The point is to learn from it and let it make you stronger in the end, not have to fight a barrage of complete ignorance trying to push you down again.

Neither male arguing with me over the statement “man, i’ve dated some losers lol” actually understood the points: this guy got one over on me. I understand that. I learned from it. Don’t trust so easily.

They simply wanted to call me a whore, an idiot, a loser, and stupid and sound cute doing so. They wanted it to be my fault; a situation where my self-esteem could be picked apart and not bolstered for getting out and doing it fast. They didn’t want to see me as a female empowered enough to realize when someone is using them or hurting them etc and kick that person out of their life. They just wanted to laugh at me, poke a few holes in me, and try to worm in.

Well, fuck that.

Say what you want, I’m not letting anyone best me when it comes to ME. You don’t know? Shut up and don’t say anything until you do. Want to comment on something without context? Don’t get pissed when I call you on it. Live your life for YOU, and stop judging other peoples’ lives like you’re really a part of them that matters.

Me? I have a new email account. My block button got some good use, and I could care less what you wanna say about me…I’m not the most important person to slander, so if you wanna waste your time, have at it. I understand. 

3:57 PM
August 14th, 2011


3:55 PM
August 14th, 2011

Words of Wisdom


(Source: freshistheword, via mrmarchand)

8:06 PM
July 7th, 2011
scratch, bird. scratch

scratch, bird. scratch

8:05 PM
July 7th, 2011

World Map of Useless Stereotypes by Christoph Niemann (via danah boyd)


World Map of Useless Stereotypes by Christoph Niemann (via danah boyd)

8:00 PM
July 7th, 2011

Hope is for the Helpless

My heart is broken.  It’s my own fault.  I’m fantastic at breaking it.  Get my hopes up when I meet someone who seems to be interested…who asks questions, tells me about themselves, shows me their scars…and two days later, barely talks to me.  As in, winks at me for a hello and walks off as soon as we have a break.  What should I take from that?  Why the sudden turnabout?  Was it something I did?  Or did you just try to do me a favor, be nice to the stumbling talkative chubby girl who’s too shy to put herself quite out there?

It’s not like this one particular person is the issue, more that he’s the most recent entry into the issue.  Why people expect you to look the way at 30 you did at 20 is beyond me.  I don’t live in a fucking time capsule.  And I hated myself at 20.  Everyone I know did…it’s part of being 20.  But apparently self-hatred worked, as I managed to date a string of losers, but get laid by a string of guys who were not losers…just not interested in a relationship.  At 20, who is?  It didn’t seem to matter.

Now, having just broken up with a harmless, albeit boring, famous person, I look at it like…I can do better, regardless of what he does for a living.  So what the hell is the deal these days?  I suppose maybe I am a bit off-putting to some…maybe he thought I wasn’t interested, though I did flirt as best I was able.  I felt rather uncomfortable all of a sudden, like I knew this guy probably isn’t for me but I wished he could be…just for a little while.  Maybe he could tell. I don’t know that it’s the end of things, we see each other for the next month and a half every other day.  I just don’t know what’s going on with him…I don’t get it.  Maybe he’s a bit shy himself.  Maybe I’ll get pissed off enough to ask him nicely. 

Maybe.  Ha.

I’m so tired of being lonely.  This incident is only the latest in a long string of pain that’s lasted since before the last two relationships I’ve had.  The person responsible for that, I know all too well.  He broke my heart, fixed it up, put it on a pedestal, and took a fucking hammer to it…every time I saw him.  But I loved him.  Go figure.

I don’t really have anything else to say on the topic for now.  I’m just another lonely, sad female wishing someone worthwhile would call me wife.  At least for today…

7:46 PM
July 7th, 2011
Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public
Paulo Coelho   (via mrmarchand)
7:44 PM
April 8th, 2011
E pur si muove.